People will often tell you that television teaches nothing. To counter this point I cover my ears, scream “lalalala” and — generally speaking — by this stage they’ve already walked away in disgust. However, if they’re a persistent little so-and-so, I’d recommend a cry/scream/roll-around-on-the-floor tactic.
Most of the time that’ll do the trick but I’ve decided to improve how I handle the situation in future instances by clutching at straws (very, very thin straws) to find some things that America’s biggest shows have taught me:
‘The People v. O.J. Simpson’
As a non-American who wasn’t around when the case in question happened — my knowledge of it is slim so, yeah, I guess I learned some stuff about that. However, what I’m really psyched about is that I now know “what” a Kardashian is. Although, the questions “how” and “why” remain unanswered.
‘Better Call Saul’
You could probably fit the plot of a ‘Better Call Saul’ episode into a solid 5 minutes. The show simply blesses us with 40 additional minutes of slow-burning, nuanced… stuff… (wait, is it still nuanced if there’s freakin’ loads of it?). The lesson to take away from this is that you can do bugger all and still be incredible. Take note, kids.
‘House of Cards’
If you’ve been awesome in enough awesome movies like the awesome Kevin Spacey has then you can combine this with a comforting southern accent and pretty much do as you please. Seriously, this guy looks at all other anti-heroes on television, turns to the camera, and laughs.
‘The Big Bang Theory’
This show about smart people has taught me….
….well, it must have taught me something, right? It’s about scientists, after all. Hmmm…. let me see… oh, there was the whole Schrodinger’s Cat bit! You know — that experiment everybody already knows about because it involves a cat and the Internet loves them a kitty.
‘Master of None’
‘Master of None’ follows a dweeby guy involved in the entertainment industry and shines an honest light on modern relationships. 3 months later, ‘Love’ came along and kind of did the same again. This has taught me that if I want my own Netflix show, I should just film an average day, leave it totally unedited, and slam it online in all its 16-hour glory.
Here, you can see that every domestic dispute can be solved by someone eavesdropping on another member of the family and saying something emotional at the end of an episode. This + 1980s references x 64 episodes = a pretty good show.
‘How to Get Away with Murder’
Okay, granted, I’m playing catch-up and am only a few episodes in but this hasn’t taught me how to get away with nothing! Its only provided me with gripping drama, shock twists & turns and an awesome cast. I guess the lesson here is that the laws of false advertising don’t apply to the naming of tv shows. Those god damn TV Executives have gotten away with murder here and — ohhhhhhhh…