The Suicide Squad Need Your Help!

Uh oh, Suicide Squad is apparently not very good according to the all knowing Rotten Tomatoes percentage rating. A lot of people are deciding to give it a miss but I thought ‘meh, sounds alright, I’ll check it out’.

It was after this thought crossed my mind that I got the call. It was the Emperor of DC Comics. I didn’t know whether to ask him how he got my number or why DC Comics needs an Emperor.

I asked him to wait on hold while I finished my breakfast.

Six hours later (after choking on one of the bits in my grapefruit juice, dying, regenerating, giving my friend Stuart a ride to the airport, and regenerating again somehow) I took the Emperor off hold. There was clear frustration in the tone of this voice.

“You kept me waiting for some time. You’re lucky you are such an important man.”

“Yeah well, you know…” I replied, reaching for a risky second glass of grapefruit juice.

“I hear you’re still interested in seeing Suicide Squad.”

“Yeah I’ll probably give it a shout, I’ve digged a couple of David Ayer’s previous films enough to want in on it.”

“Good, good…”

I could hear the Emperor’s hands rubbing together as he uttered the words ever so gently.

“Hmmm… you’re not that same Emperor from Star Wars, are you?”

“No, no… of course not…”

He totally was.

Anyway, the Emperor (or the Big E as I like to call him) instructed me to put together a rag-tag group of people kind of interested in seeing the movie to help save the Suicide Squad. We decided to call ourselves the Euthanasia Ensemble. Our first plan of action was to schedule a meeting to determine whether the name was in bad taste.

After said meeting, we rebranded ourselves The Avengers so as to avoid any confusion.

Now you can find us outside your local cinema trying to boost box office numbers with our limited passion for the movie. You might hear such pitches as, “yeah I think Batman shows up in it or something so that’s pretty dope” or “well, its either this or the new Jason Bourne, neither look amazing so whatever”.

However, if the Euthanasia Ensemble (we changed our name back again) are to truly help the Suicide Squad, we need your help! If you’ve seen the reviews for Suicide Squad but still think its sort of worth checking out, give us a call. Right now, its just me and Stuart. The official dress code is smart-casual but a cape is mandatory.

Note: anyone super passionate about the comics and super psyched for the movie need not apply. This is not a passion project, it is a ‘meh, sounds alright’ project.